this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize