that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
