doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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