New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
