I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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