It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
