Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
