I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
