Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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