I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
