happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
