A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
