I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
