It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
