I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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