Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
