Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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