Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
