this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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