My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
