She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize