stop calling my apartment porn island.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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