After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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