I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
