you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
