what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
