I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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