i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
