That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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