You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
