Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
