we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
