She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
