there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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