No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize