I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
