im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
