hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
