right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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