I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
