Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
