is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
