he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
