smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
