Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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