"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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