somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's get the cat blown out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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