Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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