I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize