I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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