I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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