Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
