i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
