nut hugger
i barfeds in our rink
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
