Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
