I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
