When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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