Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
