boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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