"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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