i may or may not be watching the land before time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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