Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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