hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize