True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
