You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I want her autograph on my taint
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
