I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
