Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
