he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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