Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
