I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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