Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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