you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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