508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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