i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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