i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
