tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
